Pete would like to make the following statement:

As any F1 fanatic knows, the driver market silly season is well under way, with many drivers swapping teams next year. With Mark Webber and possibly Jenson Button moving to Williams, and the recent news of Jacques Villeneuve moving to Sauber, a number of top drivers are going to find it hard going to get a competitive seat for 2005. One of those "top" drivers is the one we all love and think is rubbish -- Mr David Coulthard. When he isn't busy with his common pursuits of driving into pitlane walls or other cars, David can often be found preparing is trademark 'Next Year Is My Year'* statement and preparing fine Scottish cooking for Ron Dennis with the hope of extending his contract for another year. Unfortunately, last year 'DC' cooked up a bad haggis on one occasion, and the big Ronzo decided he'd be better off with Juan Montoya instead, leaving DC clutching his P45 and staring wistfully at other pit garages.

The man himself. DC once crashed on a parade lap... while in pole position.

Which leaves 2005. According to DC, he should be a dead cert at Williams. But Frank said, "No, your crap"** and signed the boy Jenson instead. This leaves DC with the choice of, in no particular order, BAR, Jaguar, Jordan or Minardi. He says he is good, we say he is rubbish. More importantly, we say my gran is a better prospect for the driver's championship, and that is where you, dear reader, come in.

My gran has been driving for more years than most of us have been alive, and in that time has never driven into the pitwall while leading a race, crashed out while following a safety car, been beaten at almost every opportunity by her team-mate, claimed that next year will be her year even when she hasn�t got a hope in hells chance of winning anything, or got an incredibly bizarrely-shaped head - all things that Mr Coulthard is indisputably guilty off. Ergo, it is our belief that, if DC is seen as a genuine prospect for an F1 drive next year, so should my gran.

If you think so to (and on the watertight evidence above, how could you not think so?), sign the petition below. It will run to the end of the season, at which point the petition complete will all signatures will be sent to FOM to prove what a marketing gem my gran would be. When Bernie sees what a prospect she is, there is no way she won't get a drive!!!

So what are you waiting for?? Sign the petition to make Pete's gran an F1 driver!! You'd be mad not to!!!

* © David Coulthard; 1996,1997,1998,1999,2000,2001,2002,2003,2004 and probably 2005. 2004 has recently gained an extra twist with the man claiming that if he had been in a BAR then it would have been his year, or at least that he would have won a race... unlike Jenson... please Mr. Richards, I need a job!

** Frank may not have said "you're crap", but the general gist is there.

The Petition:

Please sign the petition by filling in your name below and clicking the button. Note that your name will be visible on this website for pretty near forever, so if you're scared of possible retribution from one of DC's heavies, I would recommend leaving the site immediately.


Previous signituries:

You're not the first and you're probably not the last to want to sign this.

Following is a list of the last 10 people to sign -- click of the links to show more, and more, and more people who share your enlightened views (or, if your name is David Coulthard: build up your hit list).

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